Midnight Mind
by JustGail
Summary: There are a lot of things on Blue's mind right now. - Oneshot : short, and angsty. Bluesy -


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Raven Cycle characters, I own only my words.

I had a lot of Bluesy feels. If there's any requests, I guess I could write a second chapter about Gansey, but that's p much it.

* * *

There are a lot of things on Blue's mind right now. Her mother's missing, for one; her half-aunt has disappeared; Persephone – it hurt too much to think about Persephone. Maybe she wasn't on Blue's mind after all. In any case, there are a lot of things on Blue's mind right now, and most of them are female.

But, nonetheless, late at night, her mind wanders back to her Raven Boys.

* * *

It's like a magnet. It's a force that she cannot control and is instead being controlled by. It is energizing and it is pulling her closer, all the while draining her of her ability to act by herself. It's bigger than life. It's bigger than _death_ – literally. That is, one of her Raven Boys is quite literally dead.

 _Noah_. She smiles. Noah is sweet. He's the only person she lets pet her hair – when he can. He can't always pet her hair anymore. It's hard for him to constantly _exist_ in a way they – she and her Raven Boys – can comprehend. Sometimes she lets him use _her_ energy instead of that of the ley line. It helps.

Yet another unnatural force, draining her.

No, she doesn't think of Noah like that. She doesn't think he's unnatural, nor does she think of him as draining her. But sometimes people are harsher in the dark, and Blue was no exception.

Ronan is harsh. Ronan is much harsher than she ever will be. He gives off the impression that he's angry all the time – that he will crush you if you say anything wrong. He probably could.

Adam –

One more thing she doesn't want to think about. Adam is complicated. The Adam situation might be resolved, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. What might have been can sometimes hurt as much as what has been. Sometimes more.

All of her Raven Boys were broken. But Adam was more like a cracked porcelain doll. He had a million scars, visible and non-visible, and only habit was holding him together. Well, that and Cabeswater.

She didn't want to think about Cabeswater either. Cabeswater was life. Cabeswater was death.

* * *

The last Raven Boy she wanted to think of least of all. A boy with glasses in khaki shorts and horrible shoes. The boy with a thousand masks and a mission. A living tragedy. Gansey.

Sometimes she thought he was beautiful in all the wrong ways. Sometimes she thought of the Gansey she met in the graveyard. Sometimes she wondered if there was one real Gansey or a thousand pieces of him everywhere he goes.

Sometimes she wondered what it would be like to kiss him. She knows she never could, but – she likes to pretend.

The thing is, she doesn't even know what kind of kiss she wants. There are so many kinds! There is the quick, casual kind. She could kiss him on the cheek and he could kiss her on the forehead. They could give light kisses, like butterflies, landing and then running away, all over each other's bodies. She wants peppered kisses, in which he'd pick a spot and kiss kiss kiss one kiss at a time until she is out of breathe from laughing so much or from loving so much.

There is also the deep, sensual kind. The kind of kiss where she's distracted by his breath warm on her neck. He'd climb on top of her – she's staring at the ceiling, picturing him there. No, they'd be standing. Like equals. She would look him in the eye and she would know that it's time, and their lips would touch, hungry, starving, swallowing each other up and they start and end with each other. She wants kisses that are epic, like Creation itself. Sexy kisses and passionate kisses.

There's the special, a-kiss-to-remember kind of kiss. She wants a sweet-sixteen sort of kiss, a first kiss, innocent and meaningful and with no commitment. She wants a kiss that will warm her on the inside on days she feels too cold – too lonely, too hurt, too alone – to even _breathe_.

And then there's true love's kiss. The kind of true love's kiss which wakes the Sleeping Beauty, now that's _some_ kiss. Not the kind that will kill Gansey when he's still so young, so beautiful. He flirts with death every day, and sometimes his channel to death is her.

* * *

But Blue is sensible. And though her mind might wander, they agreed to never speak of it again, and so she won't.

Even a sensible girl can wish for a kiss. Even a sensible girl can dream.


End file.
